This has been one of those weeks where "why" seems entirely appropriate. Why did we go big in the third quarter on 3rd and 1 deep inside MSU territory and why did 46 let his guy get by him? Well, I'll get to that in a minute.
The whys for me started much sooner than that. On Tuesday, mid-afternoon, my wife called me with some very shocking and unwanted news that her cousin had lost her husband to an apparant hunting accident. He was 31. But as the day went on, I kept asking myself how someone whose been a hunter all his life has a hunting accident and dies from it. I realize that anything can happen at about any point in our day to day life but this one didn't sit right.
And, it wouldn't.
As I asked my wife over and over how Chase could have had an accident like that, I asked her something more nefarious. I asked if it was possible that he committed suicide. She dismissed it entirely. I asked my father in law, who took the call from his brother soon after he found his son in law dead, if it was possible. He said he didn't know.
On Wednesday morning, it was confirmed that he did, indeed, take his own life. Immediately, the why's started flooding our minds. I had those thoughts more than some of my family as I was able to see him last week on a trip I made back to Arkansas. He was Chase, but something was missing. I hadn't seen him in a year but I knew something was wrong. It's almost he gave off the aura that he just had too much to do. Almost like he was suffocated, in a way.
We piled all the stuff in our car this last Wednesday and took off to Arkansas. From Virginia it's about an 18-hour drive. We do it overnight so our kids can sleep. It's not bad, if you're wondering.
The whole way back, my wife and I asked a lot of the same questions but changed the wording some. Why would he do that to his beautiful wife and his five year old daughter? Why?
We got to be with the family Thursday night at my wife's uncles house. They live south of Batesville on a hilltop that is beautiful. Richie is a big bear. The first time I met him, he asked me where I was from and when I told him NW Arkansas, he said I was from an area with a bunch of Yankee sympathizers. We've come to love each other greatly. Richie loved his son in law like he was his own son. I simply cannot imagine finding what he found and dealing with what he is still dealing with. Richie's mind and heart were torn apart by those events and I'm not sure how soon he will be able to get back to being the same old Richie.
We overheard my wife's cousin tell a close friend that when she could convey it without breaking down she would tell them more about the events leading up to Tuesday. At a time of tragedy and shock, you're left to leave your "why's" at the tip of your tongue. It's not your selfishness that prompts them to relive their tragedy of that day.
Later, we would hear some bits and pieces of how that day unfolded. How she tried to go see her husband but my wife's uncle wouldn't let her. How Richie didn't hear from Chase and went to find him, in the pouring down rain. And, at the memorial where well over a thousand gathered at the school where he taught gathered we heard stories of his life and how much he loved it and those around him. The pain was apparent in all that attended. The question that could be written on the walls with the thoughts of everyone there was simply one word - why.
The pastor who spoke addressed it in the best way he knew how and that was to say the last decision Chase made was the wrong one and that if we dwelled on the why of what happened, it would take away from being able to think about everything else Chase did that was good and wonderful, which, was many.
We drove back yesterday and had to listen to the game while on the road. Truth be told I hate listening to Hog games. There is something to be said about seeing it all for yourself. I didn't know the guy got off the edge to block our kick until I read it on here a few minutes ago when I got back in. Chuck didn't convey that on the air and when you listen it sometimes seems like there is the inside story that you don't know what all is going on.
If seeing is in fact knowing for yourself what is going on and what is happening then it is often times much easier to ask why and get an answer that allows you to move on. But when we don't see it for ourselves, it's harder to get past all that. If we don't have a knowledge of events we tend to crave that. We read, re-read, and read or watch some more.
This week those why's weren't apparent and left a lot of people in my life wanting more. Deeply craving more that we will likely never be able to read enough about or think about enough that will give us the answer we would want that would allow us to move on.
So when Hedlund missed that field goal, I very peacefully said, "Well, that stinks but it sure was a good game." My wife, sort of perplexed, asked if it bothered me that we lost by one point and I said not really.
It didn't then and it doesn't this morning. The why's of this game don't matter much today and maybe they won't going forward. The why's can eat us up. The why's can tear us apart on the inside because of our inate desire to know more.
My family will likely never know much more than we did Monday night of this last week or the hours leading up to Tuesday morning. We can't change that.
And so it is with a game that was decided by one point. It was great to listen to a game that we played hard in and nearly won. It was great to hear BA break some records and for guys to score touchdowns. They gave it their all and came up short.
I can handle that just fine.
Thank you for allowing me to share this here.
The whys for me started much sooner than that. On Tuesday, mid-afternoon, my wife called me with some very shocking and unwanted news that her cousin had lost her husband to an apparant hunting accident. He was 31. But as the day went on, I kept asking myself how someone whose been a hunter all his life has a hunting accident and dies from it. I realize that anything can happen at about any point in our day to day life but this one didn't sit right.
And, it wouldn't.
As I asked my wife over and over how Chase could have had an accident like that, I asked her something more nefarious. I asked if it was possible that he committed suicide. She dismissed it entirely. I asked my father in law, who took the call from his brother soon after he found his son in law dead, if it was possible. He said he didn't know.
On Wednesday morning, it was confirmed that he did, indeed, take his own life. Immediately, the why's started flooding our minds. I had those thoughts more than some of my family as I was able to see him last week on a trip I made back to Arkansas. He was Chase, but something was missing. I hadn't seen him in a year but I knew something was wrong. It's almost he gave off the aura that he just had too much to do. Almost like he was suffocated, in a way.
We piled all the stuff in our car this last Wednesday and took off to Arkansas. From Virginia it's about an 18-hour drive. We do it overnight so our kids can sleep. It's not bad, if you're wondering.
The whole way back, my wife and I asked a lot of the same questions but changed the wording some. Why would he do that to his beautiful wife and his five year old daughter? Why?
We got to be with the family Thursday night at my wife's uncles house. They live south of Batesville on a hilltop that is beautiful. Richie is a big bear. The first time I met him, he asked me where I was from and when I told him NW Arkansas, he said I was from an area with a bunch of Yankee sympathizers. We've come to love each other greatly. Richie loved his son in law like he was his own son. I simply cannot imagine finding what he found and dealing with what he is still dealing with. Richie's mind and heart were torn apart by those events and I'm not sure how soon he will be able to get back to being the same old Richie.
We overheard my wife's cousin tell a close friend that when she could convey it without breaking down she would tell them more about the events leading up to Tuesday. At a time of tragedy and shock, you're left to leave your "why's" at the tip of your tongue. It's not your selfishness that prompts them to relive their tragedy of that day.
Later, we would hear some bits and pieces of how that day unfolded. How she tried to go see her husband but my wife's uncle wouldn't let her. How Richie didn't hear from Chase and went to find him, in the pouring down rain. And, at the memorial where well over a thousand gathered at the school where he taught gathered we heard stories of his life and how much he loved it and those around him. The pain was apparent in all that attended. The question that could be written on the walls with the thoughts of everyone there was simply one word - why.
The pastor who spoke addressed it in the best way he knew how and that was to say the last decision Chase made was the wrong one and that if we dwelled on the why of what happened, it would take away from being able to think about everything else Chase did that was good and wonderful, which, was many.
We drove back yesterday and had to listen to the game while on the road. Truth be told I hate listening to Hog games. There is something to be said about seeing it all for yourself. I didn't know the guy got off the edge to block our kick until I read it on here a few minutes ago when I got back in. Chuck didn't convey that on the air and when you listen it sometimes seems like there is the inside story that you don't know what all is going on.
If seeing is in fact knowing for yourself what is going on and what is happening then it is often times much easier to ask why and get an answer that allows you to move on. But when we don't see it for ourselves, it's harder to get past all that. If we don't have a knowledge of events we tend to crave that. We read, re-read, and read or watch some more.
This week those why's weren't apparent and left a lot of people in my life wanting more. Deeply craving more that we will likely never be able to read enough about or think about enough that will give us the answer we would want that would allow us to move on.
So when Hedlund missed that field goal, I very peacefully said, "Well, that stinks but it sure was a good game." My wife, sort of perplexed, asked if it bothered me that we lost by one point and I said not really.
It didn't then and it doesn't this morning. The why's of this game don't matter much today and maybe they won't going forward. The why's can eat us up. The why's can tear us apart on the inside because of our inate desire to know more.
My family will likely never know much more than we did Monday night of this last week or the hours leading up to Tuesday morning. We can't change that.
And so it is with a game that was decided by one point. It was great to listen to a game that we played hard in and nearly won. It was great to hear BA break some records and for guys to score touchdowns. They gave it their all and came up short.
I can handle that just fine.
Thank you for allowing me to share this here.
